


Shut Up Scout Main

by UmbreonGurl



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: AU, Crack, Gen, everyone is playing tf2, tf2 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22607035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbreonGurl/pseuds/UmbreonGurl
Summary: Because really, everyone should have known that letting the students of the Officers Academy play Team Fortress 2 was a horrible idea. Especially when there are only two teams, there are three houses, and the teams are randomly decided.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Shut Up Scout Main

(Blue) Caspar: these teams r lame, very unpoggers, random assignments suck

(Blue) Hubert: I agree. These teams are unacceptable.

(Blue) Sylvain: LOL dude ur just mad cuz u got put on a diff team than edelgard

(Blue) Sylvain: who u gonna pocket medic now big boy

(Blue) Caspar: wait hubert plays medic???? excuse me????

(Blue) Caspar: i thought medics were supposed to be nice also hubert doesnt seem the type to be a medic

(Blue) Hilda: he was probably just planning to pocket edelgard lol caspar u dont have to match your character with your personality

(Blue) Hilda: also canonically the medic is very mean

(Blue) Sylvain: wait hilda you know tf2 lore??? How do u know tf2 lore

(Blue) Hilda: i dont know tf2 lore shut up scout main

(Blue) Caspar: wait is there a problem with playing scout??? 

(Blue) Hilda: yes

(Blue) Sylvain: no. no problem. 

(Blue) Hilda: smh scout mains be like haha hey babe i just double jumped into your dms whats up

(Blue) Sylvain: i sent that to you in confidence hilda!!! uncool!!

(Blue) Caspar: wait what the heck why can medics stab people thats not cool at all dude

(Blue) Sylvain: lol mercedes doesnt play around with her ubersaw dude watch out she can and WILL stab you with it

(Blue) Sylvain: damn guess i spoke too soon huh she got you good

(Blue) Caspar: how come i couldnt hit her

(Blue) Sylvain: ur playin scout right???

(Blue) Caspar: yeah bro but i cant hit anything

(Blue) Sylvain: what do u mean u cant hit anything dude u just point and shoot

(Blue) Caspar: but its not working i try that and i dont do any damage and good GOD claude just headshot me again this is like the sixth time

(Blue) Caspar: i swear he has aimbot or something he shouldnt be able to headshot me that fast this is unfair i like JUST left spawn

(Blue) Sylvain: wait ur pointing and shooting and its not working??? one sec lemme come watch u 

(Blue) Caspar: thanks homie appreciate it cuz i think my game is broken lmao. like none of my enemies are taking much damage at all????

(Blue) Dimitri: Perhaps you should try restarting your game? I have heard that can fix many issues.

(Blue) Sylvain: woah there tiger dont do that just yet it could just be that you’re not doing things right, ur new to this game so itd be understandable

(Blue) Sylvain: ok now that ive watched you i think i found ur problem caspar u don’t need to restart ur game dude

(Blue) Caspar: wait rlly? cool bro whats my problem? what am i doing wrong

(Blue) Sylvain: ok so to put it simply

(Blue) Sylvain: you cant aim for the life of you LOL

(Blue) Hilda: LOL so the issue is he just sucks then???

(Blue) Sylvain: yup. exactamundo. 

(Blue) Caspar: wow. okay screw you too sylvain

(Blue) Caspar: hilda you shut up too you main wm1 pyro u lazy unskilled gamer

(Blue) Hilda: hey at least i can hit something unlike somebody

(All) (Blue) Caspar: hey mercedes and claude sylvain just said you both suck at tf2 and cant aim

(All) (Red) Mercedes: Oh, he did? :) Thank you for letting me know, Caspar! I’ll have to go take care of that.

(All) (Red) Claude: Those are bold words for a scout main.

(Blue) Sylvain: caspar dude why!!!? shes gonna kill me dude not cool

(Blue) Caspar: then dont say that i suck. sucks to suck sylvain enjoy getting headshotted by claude loser

(Blue) Caspar: and getting stabbed by mercedes stupid ubersaw the amount of crits that thing gets is insane

(Blue) Sylvain: god im gonna have to hide arent i ive got two of the other teams best on me smh caspar look at what youve done

(Blue) Hilda: oh ur definitely gonna have to hide lol 

(Blue) Caspar: hubert what the heck did you just show edelgard where i was hiding

(Blue) Caspar: holy cow i think he did bro this is so unfair

(Blue) Caspar: linhardt help me please dude i need backup wanna pocket me bro

(Blue) Linhardt: No thanks. I’m fine down here guarding the intel. 

(Blue) Hilda: guarding??? lol dude wym ur just rancho relaxing at the intel and letting ur sentry do all the work

(Blue) Linhardt: So? It works. 

(Blue) Hilda: fair enough i guess

(Blue) Hilda: did lysithea just backstab me???? how is that even possible im playing pyro

(Blue) Dimitri: I don’t understand. Are pyros not able to be backstabbed?

(Blue) Sylvain: nah they can get backstabbed its just hard to backstab a pyro cuz theyre good at spychecking

(Blue) Sylvain: but if said pyro is bad at the game… well then its free real estate

(Blue) Hilda: excuse you i am not bad at the game idk what ur on about sylvain

(Blue) Sylvain: earlier you literally admitted to playing wm1 pyro

(Blue) Hilda: so??? that doesnt mean im bad at the game dude. i could totally play seriously if i wanted to

(Blue) Sylvain: bet

(Blue) Caspar: bet

(Blue) Hilda: fine ill prove it smh

(Blue) Caspar: wait did she just switch to soldier wait hilda

(Blue) Caspar: holy crap.

(Blue) Caspar: she just rocket jumped across the map and killed like everyone in one fell swoop 

(Blue) Sylvain: huh. i guess she does know how to play then after all??

(Blue) Hilda: of course i do idiot i told you im good at this game

(Blue) Sylvain: then why are you playing wm1 pyro hilda

(Blue) Hilda: because i want to and also its easy

(Blue) Sylvain: you know what thats fair but also why havent u switched to soldier sooner

(Blue) Sylvain: dude we are getting absolutely steamrolled rn by edelgard and her pocket medic

(Blue) Hilda: because i didnt wanna play soldier duh and also who’s her pocket medic

(Blue) Sylvain: marianne

(Blue) Hilda: damn marianne is a good medic too we rlly r screwed huh

(Blue) Sylvain: we wouldnt be if u just switched back to soldier

(Blue) Hilda: dont feel like it rn sorry 

(Blue) Caspar: bruh did lorenz just headshot me

(Blue) Sylvain: how r u getting headshot dude ur a scout

(Blue) Caspar: idk bro i think they have aimbot

(Blue) Hilda: lorenz likely got lucky tbh but claude has skill

(Blue) Caspar: no, what claude has is aimbot get it right

(Blue) Sylvain: hubert if you dont stop snitching where we are hiding to the red team i will actually murder you bro

(Blue) Hubert: I dare you to try.

(Blue) Sylvain: >:( someones a sore loser at getting put on the opposite team lol

(Blue) Sylvain : do u rlly have so little faith in edelgard that she cant win without u cheating

(Blue) Hubert: She could beat you easily even without my assistance.

(Blue) Sylvain: then prove it and stop snitching homie. snitches get stitches 

(Blue) Hubert: No.

(Blue) Sylvain: fine then we will win anyways even with u sabotaging us cuz we that good

(Blue) Sylvain: thx for nothing hubert hilda switch to soldier, we gotta take out bernadettas sentry

(Blue) Hilda: i already told u i dont feel like playing soldier rn 

(Blue) Sylvain: pls hilda i wanna win or felix will lord it over me forever :( ill pocket u

(Blue) Hilda: deal

(Blue) Caspar: dude wheres my pocket medic

(Blue) Sylvain: they dont exist til u learn to aim mr scout main

(Blue) Caspar: ur a scout main too shut up or ill double jump into YOUR dms

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Fire Emblem Compendium's FEC Challenge 100 zine!! I chose to do my piece based off their alternate universe challenge. I'm so sorry. (Not really.)


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